The Longest Longest Day

Guten tag!

What am I doing? What the hell am I doing here? Why do I spend so much time writing these incredibly long Updates? Shouldn't they be about all the things I'm doing to become a screenwriter? What are all these stupid adventures about, anyway? Who would want to read all this crap? What am I doing with my life? These are some of the questions that occur to a person when spending hours, nay, days on an airplane. No lie, this is gonna be a long one, folks.

Hey, everybody. As you may remember, when we last left our intrepid hero, he had given up a pirate role in favor of a trip to Germany for Oktoberfest, then changed his mind only to find that the casting changed and he was no longer able to play a pirate. Destiny? Weird fate? Maybe. Only time will tell.

Now, I'm not going to bother to tell you all the things that happened on my trip to Germany, that is much more suited for personal, face to face conversations anyway. I also don't have any pictures developed yet, so I don't even have proper illustrations for my story. Once I've done that, and sifted through them to remove any incriminating evidence, I'll be sure to post them on my website if you're curious. However, though I have no intention of dragging you through all the tales of the trip, I think it's only fair that I tell you all about the low- and highlights of my little vacation. (Vacation from what, you say? Um, no comment.)

First, the bad part:
9/25 - 9/26 - The flight out. Woo hoo! I'm going to Germany! Bright and early Wednesday morning, ready for my 8:30 flight, my roommate and I head out for the airport at 6:30 am. Now, from our apartment, it's usually a 45 minute drive to LAX. I know, I know, technically for an international flight I'm supposed to get there even earlier, but what can I say. It's never been a problem so far. So far. Well, traffic was exceptionally bad as I'm sure you predicted. I arrive at the gate at 8:25. Sadly, they were not exactly pleased and I missed my flight. Tragedy. However, the ticket agent was very helpful and was able to get me a new flight plan that left four hours later. That's cool, I thought, I can hang in the airport for a while, I have my books and writing stuff to work on. My flight plan isn't exactly inviting-- L.A. to N.Y., N.Y. to Paris, Paris to Munich. Lots of air time, but hey, at least I'm getting there. The hours pass uneventfully, and I get on the plane without a hitch, ready to hit the skies.

Well, I got on without a hitch, but that didn't necessarily mean we hit the skies. Apparently, we had a passenger problem. I wasn't witness to this, but it seems as though someone decided to sit in business class without paying for it. This information comes via the pilot. I had no idea what a terrible violation of airline security this was. But it was. After sitting on the runway for about 30 minutes, we turned around, went back to the terminal, police came and took him off the plane, and back we went out to the runway. But of course, since we missed our spot in line to take off, we had to wait another hour and a half before we were able to leave. For those of you keeping score at home-- Time since I left my house: 8 hours. Distance from L.A.: 0 miles.

Fortunately, the trip to N.Y. was again uneventful. However, because of the delay I was concerned about making my connecting flight. I told the flight attendant, and she told the pilot, and he told the airport, so by the time we landed I had a whole contingency of people waiting to shoot me over to the next flight. It was actually pretty cool. I felt so important! I get off the airplane and immediately some guy gets me and we start running through the airport. We of course had to stop at the x-ray machine, but then we kept running. He hands me off to a guy in a van to drive me over to the other terminal. He asks me, "Are you some rock star or something?" Apparently, he noticed the VIP treatment as well. Of course I said yes. We scream into the next terminal where the package (me) is passed on to the next carrier. We run up to the counter with plenty of time to spare. He even politely makes sure my checked bag made the transfer as well. All is good.

Now, this flight to Paris is not exactly what I would call pleasant. For some reason, there is some sort of regulation in international travel that if you're not flying first class, you're cattle. This was perhaps the smallest, most uncomfortable seat I've ever flown in, and as a bonus, it's a nine hour flight! Plus, I'm flying on Air France this time, and I probably need not remind you of the famed European hygiene skills. I felt like an immigrant on the bottom level of the Titanic. Plus I had the added bonus of elderly French people behind me who thought the back of my seat was good leverage for their frequent trips to the restroom, snapping my head back and forth, for a nine hour flight. For those of you keeping score at home—- Time since I left my house: 21 hours. Time since I've had any sleep: 21 hours.

I arrive in Paris, greeting the sun on a lovely Thursday afternoon. I only have an hour till my next flight, and it goes smoothly. I arrive in Munich, about six hours later than my original plan, but still incredibly thankful that I made it and was done with any flying for while. Unfortunately, my luggage decided that N.Y. was so nice it should stay there for a few days on its own.

Due to circumstances I'd rather not explain here, I ended up staying the night at the airport. Now, for those of you who've never experienced the joy of spending the night at an airport, I applaud you. Those who have had the experience, well, I guess I don't really have to tell you anything either. Let me just say that Munich has a very nice airport. It's very clean, quiet, and they have a cafeteria that's open 24 hours that sells beer all that time. There's plenty of bench space for everyone, so you just have to be careful not to pick one next to a snorer. They even have shower facilities where you can buy a towel and soap for 5 euros, quite a bargain I thought. Sadly, though operational when I found them, they were not when it came time to need one after a fitful night of "sleep." For those of you keeping score at home-- Time since I left my house: 34 hours. Time since I've had a shower: 34 hours. Hey, at least I was smelling more European!

One other note, my jacket was packed in my luggage. In Munich this time of year, the highs were in the high 40s, and as a bonus for me, it was very overcast and raining these first few days. At last, I met up with my friend and organizer of this trip, Pat Reilly, at the hotel. Finding a sympathetic ear alone was a godsend, but having a shower came pretty close as well. We met up with his brother and proceeded to find the best cure for my ailments we knew of: Beer. For those of you keeping score at home-- Time since I left my house: 42 hours. Time it took me to drink that first beer: 42 seconds.

Okay, so the trip didn't start off that great. Sure, I was really wishing I was a pirate right about now. But then again, I feel it's always better to start a vacation badly than to end it badly. Besides, now I had the opportunity to buy chic new foreign clothes on Air France's dime! Actually, my luggage arrived in a day or two, and all was fine.

Wow, that's a lot of space to kill on just my arrival. Good thing I'm not going to spend too much time on this.

Now for the good parts. Well, they were all good parts, really. The best way to describe it would just be a general description. However, before I go into this next part, I have to make an aside for a moment. My Dad made me promise that I wouldn't drink too much at Oktoberfest. But when it comes down to it, what exactly is too much, anyway? Well, let's just say I have a much better idea now than I did before. So, Dad, I suggest you skip the next paragraph or two, just to be safe.

Okay, now, it's Oktoberfest. We drank. A lot. And then drank. A lot more. We spent a lot of time in beer tents, which I could write volumes on alone (What, me? No way!). Some quick observations: German beers are bigger than American beers; Who would have thought that to fit in with a German beer tent's singing crowd I would have to know the words to John Denver's "West Virginia?"; German beers are stronger than American beers; Bavarian women look really good in their traditional dress (derndrl, I think it's called); Why would anyone have so many carnival rides among so many beer tents? (and, why would I go on so many of them?); Germans like to drink and have fun. I don't know how to describe it other than to say it's like a really good party that goes on all day long, every day, for about three weeks. What surprised me the most was the conduct of the people. Sure, there were plenty of very drunk people, but they were 99 percent well-behaved, fun, jovial, and non-vomiting. It seemed to me a very (welcome) far-cry from what I've seen of similar American festivals like Mardi Gras.

The highlight I guess would have to be all the people I met. Aside from the wonderful Germans at every table we went to, Pat put together a great bunch of interesting guys to spend time drinking with. At one point, we had people in our group from Dallas, Los Angeles, New York City, London, Brussels, Wisconsin, Vienna, Istanbul, and of course, Idaho. It really was a great trip, and totally recharged my batteries.

And now back to L.A.

10/6 - Safely back at home, I was invited to a screening of Signs with a Q&A session with writer/director/producer M. Night Shyamalan afterwards. It was very cool. He was an extremely nice, frank, and honest person. Although I wasn't a big fan of his latest effort, it definitely had some great elements, and it made it even more interesting to hear him talk about what he was trying to achieve with it, where he think he succeeded, and where he thought he failed. It was definitely very entertaining and informative, and most important of all, invigorating. To hear him talk about his "craft" and the things he goes through, and the number of drafts he writes, it reminded me that what I'm trying to do out here is difficult, and I shouldn't be as hard on myself as I have been lately. Like I said, I've had a lot of time to think lately, and not all of it has been exactly productive.

The trip gave me a needed break, and a lot of time on my own cramped in airplanes and airports to think. So to answer the questions from above: What am I doing? I'm changing my life. What the hell am I doing here? Trying to become a screenwriter. Why the long Updates? There's an old adage that says "writers write." Writing in any form is good. It exercises brain-muscles, helps to organize my thoughts, and it's fun. They shouldn't be about anything other than what I want them to be. What are the adventures about? All adventures are stories, and stories are what it's all about. Who wants to read it? My friends, since sadly this is the only way I can stay in touch with most of them, much as I wish it were otherwise. What am I doing with my life? The best I can.

Holy cow, did I actually write that? Does that sound too sappy or what? Don't worry, I'd never put a line like that in a screenplay, it'd sound too phony. I wasn't even aware that I needed a spiritual rejuvenation, but I got one. Anyway, thanks for listening to all my ramblings these past six months, it's been very necessary for me on this end, and I can only hope that I've made it worth your time on your end. Thanks for all the support.

Greg< style="font-weight: bold;">Movie Quote Challenge:
Number One: "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Number Two: "I honestly think you ought to calm down, take a stress pill, and think things over."

Movie Quote Answers:
David Lemley proudly steps into the winner's circle by correctly identifying the quotes. Congratulations!

Number 1: Animal House, by Harold Ramis & Douglas Kenney

Number 2: 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke & Stanley Kubrick

Better luck next time!