Corn on the Fourth of July

Hello hello-

Yes, yes, for those of you keeping track, this note is a few days late. The sad truth of the matter is, I don't really have anything very interesting to talk about. So, this one will be pretty short. Of course, I've said that before and somehow always managed to take up a fairly large amount of space, so let's see.

6/17 - 6/21 - Work really slowed down at The Transcription Company. We have a daily ritual of calling in every morning to see if they have work for us. This week was very, very slow. There were days when no work was available until mid-afternoon. This is not good. Speaking of which, I sort of got in trouble at work, too! I say "sort of" because it was somewhat of a trouble-by-proxy kind of thing. I had been talking with my friend Adele (the documentary filmmaker?), explaining to her what I do, and how weird it was. She was intrigued and wanted to look into actually doing a short documentary about it. I have to admit, talking to a computer all day is interesting in a weird sort of way. She contacted the head of the company to look into it, and here's where the danger began. When she revealed me as her source, red flags went up. Apparently, I'm under a confidentiality agreement that keeps me from talking about what I do. I guess it's like I'm in the CIA or something. Probably some of my past updates would get me killed! Except for the occasional mention in the updates (please ignore everything I said about Kenny Loggins!), I really had refrained from talking about *what* I talked about, but it seems I wasn't allowed to talk about *how* I did it either. Strange, since the voice recognition software is available to everyone. Anyway, it looked as if it was going to be a big to-do, but so far nothing has really come of it. The president of the company invited her for a tour, she decided it wasn't as interesting as it sounded, at least not enough for a documentary, and there hadn't been enough work for me so by the time I got back to work it had pretty much blown over. However, there could be more to come. The president makes a policy of having lunch with each of his employees, and mine is coming up. I hope he doesn't take away my badge and gun.

6/23 - Every month there is the L.A. SciFi and Comic Book Convention, and this time I decided to get a booth to promote our Texasylum on the West Coast. Hey, it can't hurt to have more exposure, besides the table was cheap. The convention itself is fairly impressive, at least by Texas standards. It was pretty big, very crowded, and every month they manage to have big name guests. It's just like the morning radio talk shows-- everybody in L.A. is promoting something, so any opportunity to show their stuff they're going to take. As for me, being the big name celebrity that I am signing comic books, it was mostly just the same old thing. For those of you who have luckily escaped hearing me rant and complain about participating in comic book shows, I'll give you some insight. For those of you who have (a hundred times), I'll keep it brief. I hate it. Standing out there, hawking my wares, being friendly to weird strangers like a cheap prostitute, all for a measly $3 sale. But hey, you got to promote yourself, right? That's what this town's all about, so I suck it up and smile. One interesting thing about this particular show was the kind of questions I was asked. Being the writer, I don't often get a lot of questions since most comic book fans are more focused on the art. But here, there were a lot of people doing the writing thing. But what was really odd, I thought, was the number of people who asked how I actually published a book. As if it took some incredible act to contact a publisher, write a check, and come back with a box of comics. I mean, out here all you have to do is call yourself a producer, and Bam! You are one. There are no regulations or requirements, just the will. I was surprised that attitude didn't extend further. Anyway, sales were good, it was lonely at the booth, but the neighboring booths were interesting. Rather than put all of one type together (like struggling, disgruntled, independent comic publishers), the organizers wanted to mix it up. There was a bootleg video salesman to my left, a booth of "collectible" toys that had come out in the last two years to my right, and behind me, discount DVD porn. So, I guess it was at least interesting.

After the show, it got even more interesting. On the windshield of my car, as well as every car in the parking lot, was not just a flier, but a videotape wrapped in a flier. "AN OPEN LETTER" it says in large type, above a picture that looks like Charles Manson, but I've decided it's actually the maker of the video. Text all over the paper claims that the tape is "too intense," "If you have a television there is no escape," and "It casts a spell in effect, and the blow weakens your psyche." Plus, it said "One viewing of this tape, and you will die in seven days!!!!" So, of course I had to watch it. I mean, what better way to make the next seven days exciting? Well, I don't want to spoil it for all of you, so I won't go into plot details, but it wasn't very good. In fact, there was no plot, and I was very dismayed by the extent to which it reminded me of the documentary shorts I had watched a few weeks before. You remember, clouds, trees, light reflecting off water? Only this time, the images were far less interesting, and somewhat twisted. An eclipse, maggots, static, that sort of thing. Fortunately, it was only about five minutes long, so it had that going for it versus the documentaries. If you dare! to read the amusing whole text of the letter, plus I think a web-version of the video, check out the site: www.anopenletter.com (link no longer valid -G.). I don't know if visiting the site will cause you to die in seven days, though. With the speed of the internet, it's probably more like four.

6/24 - 6/28 - Another workless week at The Transcription Company. This is getting very bad. So bad, in fact, that I've also been looking into doing contract work in, aah, say it isn't so! tech writing. My personal albatross. However, in a positive light, I've also been using the time to write the screenplay. About time, you say. Yes, well. The way I've always worked is to constantly churn the material in my head, then when it's ready I can just vomit it all out onto the page pretty much at once. In fact, that is an additional reason this update is late, is because I seriously expected to be finished this past Sunday. Alas, not to be. The ideas are flowing perfectly, but the actual barfing is taking longer than I expected. However, there is no doubt I'll finish it in the next day or two. It's called "The Ace of Clubs," and the log line (fancy term for one-line summary) is "An up-and-coming pro golfer discovers that his caddying brother has actually been helping him win by manipulating the ball with his mind." It's a light, feel-good kind of movie, very different from the comic book, obviously. My dad will be very pleased with that! But don't worry, the next one that's currently coagulating in my brain is much more dark and serious. Anyway, I'll probably be putting the treatise (fancy term for a long, complete synopsis) up on my website in a few days if you're interested. I haven't decided if I'll post an Acrobat version of the actual script, but even if I do, it won't be until after several revisions. If you're worried about me risking losing my idea to another writer, don't. I'll be registering it with the Writer's Guild, of course, but in Hollywood, it's actually cheaper to buy an idea than it is to steal it. Just a weird way things work.

7/1 - One benefit of the delayed update is I get to tell an additional story. Monday, Marie had members of her improv troupe over to practice. It's actually a combination skit/improv group somewhat like Saturday Night Live, so they had scripts to read from. It's called the Justice League of Idiots, and they all have superhero take-off names, and the skits all revolve around that sort of superhero humor (some of it kinda crude, so definitely not a show for the parents). I don't know what the Superman character is called, but Marie plays "Wonderbra Woman," and another guy who is over was a version of the Flash called "Fasty." I immediately said, "Wouldn't it be funnier if your name was Quicky?" Oops. That got me in a little bit of trouble. They liked it. I got to sit in and listen to them rehearse, and take notes, and make comments, and add jokes and material. I was supposed to be working on the script, but I ended up writing for these guys! Actually, it really was a lot of fun, and I discovered I had a lot of talent for it. One of the guys said he had a friend who's job was to do just that. He's called a Punch-Up Writer, and he takes jokes from Leno or whatever, then tweaks them to make them a little better. Wow, I could do that! So, a new avenue to pursue for me.

Okay, well that's going to be it for me this time. No doubt I'll think of many things I've forgotten once this goes out, but oh well. I hope everyone has a fantastic Independence Day and long holiday weekend!

Greg

Movie Quote Challenge:

Number 1:

"Words. Words. They're all used up. They're hard to say. They've all been wasted (give it to me) on the shampoo commercials, and the ads, and the flavorings. All those beautiful words. I mean, how can you love a floor wax? How can you love a diaper? I mean, how can I use the same word about you that someone else uses about stuffing? I'm exploding with love for you, and I can't use the word."

Number 2:

"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"

Movie Quote Answers:

Wow, this one was close! Kelly Tice gets the prize, but Dale Prasek answered correctly as well. Unfortunately, his e-mail arrived one minute later (based on time stamp, not my reception). Nice work. Interestingly enough, this puts Tice in a tie with Prasek for correct answers!

Number 1: Roxanne, by Steve Martin

Number 2: Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, by Stanley Kubrick, Peter George & Terry Southern.

Thanks for playing!