Little Things Mean a Lot

I'm not sure if I'm old enough to be a Curmudgeon yet, but I enjoy practicing. I have full plans to continue on to Geezer, but I haven't decided if from there I want to go on to Cranky Old Man or Crazy Old Coot. I'm hoping I still have a year or two before I have to make that choice.

So my rant today is about the use of turn signals. Or, more accurately, the lack thereof. It's such a simple, small thing, and yet it infuriates me. It bothers me because it is deliberate. You know you are going to change lanes. You know you are going to make a turn. These are decisions you have made. Then you decided not to signal. Why isn't it automatically part of the action?

It's not as though it's a difficult maneuver. It takes less effort than changing the station on the radio. It's so simple. You can keep your hand closed around the steering wheel and just extend your middle finger to flick a little lever. As a friendly reminder, I often show this to people on the road as I pass them by.

I had a co-worker once say to me, "Signalling is a sign of weakness." Just as in war or poker, you never want to tip your hand and give your opponent an edge. I can almost understand how on our crazy Houston highways, an Offensive Driving stance might seem a viable option. Only the strong survive.

But if we're going to adopt that attitude, I want my paint gun. Gallagher had a bit about a gun that shot suction-cup "Stupid" flags at other cars. After half a dozen or so had accumulated, "the cops could pull you over just for being an asshole." Great idea! But those suction cups are so unreliable, especially when I'm trying to text about how great the burger I'm having is while going 80 miles per hour through a school zone. No, I need something simpler. Paint guns. Faster, more accurate, more shots, easier to reload, and the added bonus of potentially painting the driver. "Thanks for cutting me off, jerk!" poff, poff, poff.

If it really caught on, maybe we could adapt outside of the driving environment. "Hey lady, the express lane says '10 Items or Less'!" poff, poff, poff. Oh yeah. I really think I'm onto something now.

Blue Bell Fun Run - 10K

Hooray! This morning I completed my first 10K race. It was the Blue Bell Fun Run, over in Brenham, TX. A bit of a drive, but I thought it might be a nice change of scenery.

Overall, I'm pleased with my performance, though not thrilled by it. The course was much more hilly than I am accustomed to, plus this is the farthest I've ever run, plus it was my first time in ages to be running without my dog.

I finished in 57:00, which works out to a 9:11 mile. I was hoping for 9:00/mile, so that's not too bad. Here are my stats compared with the rest of the runners:

• Total runners: 246/918 (26.8%)
• Total men: 168/385 (43.6%)
• Total men 40-49: 42/76 (55.3%)

I find it fascinating that I do worse (percentage-wise) the more narrow my field becomes. That means there are a lot of really fast old guys. I guess that most of them have been running a lot longer (or more consistently) than I have.

One thing I did come to realize while running this race was that I've been somewhat holding back in my 5Ks. I run them at a nice pace, but not really exerting myself. That's going to change this year. Any 5Ks I run, I'm going to really push myself just to see what I can do.

Just a few quick notes about the run. I was hoping for better scenery, but mostly it was just running along country roads. There were farms and horses and cows, but no bluebonnets or rolling hills.

As we were lining up to start the race, I look around me and nearly everyone is strapping on their iPods. This didn't bother me as much as it does for a 5K, but still, can't people be non-media stimulated for even an hour? But that's not even why I mention it. After we start, I hear some "Eye of the Tiger"-type music playing, but I didn't think much of it, assuming it was just something for the race. But after a few minutes when the second song starts up ("Mr. Brightside" by The Killers), I thought to myself, "Shouldn't I have passed the speakers by now?" Then I discovered that some guy has portable iPod speakers on a backpack. Come on, dude! I realize that I'm in the minority 20% who don't have earbuds in, but what gives you the right to deny me of my self-imposed silence? Needless to say, my pace for my first mile was a bit quicker than the rest as I tried to put as much distance as I could between us.

Vampire Weekend

Last night I got to see a great little band, Vampire Weekend. It was a really fun show and we had a good time. I'm not going to do a full review, I just wanted to comment on a few things.

First, the audience. Karen made the comment that more than half the people there were half our age. I was in complete denial of that, of course, but it wasn't too far off the truth. The really sad part was that nearly everyone our age or older were there escorting their kids. For Karen, that makes her feel old and out of place. For me, it makes me feel young (I feel out of place no matter where I am). I'm not trying to be younger than I am, but I do like good music. The age of the musicians or the fans shouldn't make any difference. I hope to still be going to see young bands even when I'm the oldest geezer in the room.

I also had a revelation about opening bands. They are the bridesmaids of concerts, I've decided. They're nice, they're fine, but they can't be too good or they'll detract from the main event. Also, the more different from the main act, the better. We actually had two opening bands for Vampire Weekend. The first was The Very Best. They were quite good, but they were scaled down to just two of the band members. I enjoyed it, but knew it could have been much better. Beach House, on the other hand, was not interesting at all. I imagine they're droning mellow music might be nice to have in the background, or maybe over headphones, but live it was just plain boring. However, that did make VW shine all the more in comparison, so I guess mission accomplished.

Lastly, the douchebag in front of me. I really hate to use that word, but unfortunately it is perfectly suited to describing this guy. You can already picture him in your mind, I'm sure: late 20s, close-cropped hair, pumped-up torso under a tight white t-shirt, jeans with the weird designs on the pockets, and of course, the obligatory flip-flops. During the first three or four songs of the show (Vampire Weekend- he wasn't there for the opening acts), he and his buddy ignored the stage in favor of talking and playing with his phone. Seriously, for 15 solid minutes, they were staring and touching the screen, oblivious to the music around them. It continued sporadically throughout the show, but it was worst at the beginning.

Honestly, this didn't bother me as much as I'm making it sound. What bothered me was the nagging question, Why were they there? If the show was that unimportant to them, why did they come at all? Second-most irksome was, Why did they have to stand right in front of me? But truthfully, the thing that really got under my skin more than anything else-- Why was I letting it bother me at all? This is the point at which I really did feel old. Just let it go. Relax. Enjoy the show. But instead, my mind kept coming back to these dudes in front of me with their stupid phone. Sigh. Deep breath.

Anyway, it was a fun show.

I Hate Zoos

Barbaric and cruel, zoos are a throwback to our less-enlightened and imperialistic past. I really don't understand why we still have them. What benefit is there to having these animals imprisoned?

A chance to study animals

False. Why does this have to be done on our terms? Aren't the real scientists out there in the jungle like Dian Fossey? It seems to me that any information learned would be either limited to basic physiology or tainted by the unnatural environment.

Preservation

False. Again, why on our terms? Couldn't we preserve the animals on a giant reserve more suited to their natural habitat? Why do we have to put them on display for people to stare at them? It is shocking to me that the phrase "the first XXX born in captivity" is used as a positive achievement, rather than a mark of shame. We should not be proud that we can artificially recreate an environment well enough to fool the animals. (But then again, we seem pretty proud of our own artificial sweeteners and Coke Zero, so I guess that evens out.)

Education

False. Is it really educational, or just a chance to gawk at the strange creatures, and maybe pet an emu? With modern technology, our ability to educate ourselves has improved drastically, and I'm not just talking about the internet. The fantastic BBC series Planet Earth shows us what life in nature is really like. We have pictures, video, sound recordings. None of these were available to the Romans. If they wanted to explain an hippopotamus, they had to bring one to Rome. I would rather promote the art of taxidermy. One stuffed animal in every natural science museum would be less harmful than all the tortured animals in zoos.

I confess that I have fond memories of the zoos I visited as a kid. I loved seeing the animals, especially the giraffes. But even then it seemed somewhat wrong. Back in my childhood, zoos were much more like cages than they are today. But no matter how "natural" it is set up, it is still a cage. I can't think of a good argument to justify zoos, except our own bloated egos. It sickens me.

SeaWorld

On a similar note, SeaWorld is even worse. If you haven't seen the documentary The Cove, I highly recommend it. It is a very disturbing and depressing investigation into the dolphin slaughters that happen annually in Japan. However, I was angered by the misguided direction of the whole film.

Early on, the main protagonist Ric O'Barry (who trained dolphins for the TV show Flipper), says how much he regrets ever training the dolphins. He talks about his shame that there are SeaWorld amusement parks all over the world, basically because of him. The Japanese fishermen corral hundreds of dolphins to sell to the SeaWorld franchises for about $100,000 a piece. Any that don't sell are killed rather than released back into the wild.

The dolphin slaughter is a horrific tragedy, but here's where the movie went wrong. They spend the rest of the time trying to prove this was going on, and condemning Japan for allowing it. Like typical Americans, they attack the symptom and not the disease. These fishermen wouldn't be doing this if there weren't demand from SeaWorld. Why didn't the movie attack them? Why didn't they call for a boycott of dolphin shows? Is it easier to condemn a country than a corporation?

And when Dawn Brancheau was killed by a performing whale, the outcries were to release or kill the whale. SeaWorld did neither. They kept the whale in anticipation of resuming the shows when the furor has died down. How could people condemn the whale for behaving naturally, and not condemn the company for keeping it unnaturally? It all angers me so much.

If I'm lucky enough to have kids, they'll hate me for it. But I refuse to support the cruelty of zoos or SeaWorld.

Driving Test of Faith

On my way home yesterday, it occurred to me the enormous amount of trust we put in complete strangers every time we get into our cars. Numerous traffic laws are more like social contracts to behave a certain way. If everyone accepts the same basic method of driving, then the whole system runs smoothly. Just one person who decides to drive the wrong way on a road or ignore a streetlight can cause complete chaos.

There is also the amazing iconography and graphic design that we encounter on a constant basis. A yellow dashed-stripe means one thing, a white one means something else. All road signs which require a particular action or level of attention are the same color. It really is a pretty amazing system.

But, I digress.

What got me thinking about driving in the terms of trust was the action of one particular driver yesterday. He was a man in his late-40s, driving a nice but older red BMW. Let's call him Bert.

I'm on a large street headed East. There are three lanes for me (I'm in the far left), three headed the other way, and a wide left-turn lane between us. We had been waiting for a traffic light that was quite a ways ahead of us. It had just turned green, and as the compression wave of traffic expanded like the Slinky it is, we were just starting to move. Here comes Bert.

Bert is coming the opposite direction, and he needs to turn left. He glides into the left-turn lane and begins his turn. Right into the existing traffic! There wasn't a space there he was trying to beat; the traffic wasn't stopped so he could create a gap; he just turned. The car ahead of me (let's call him Ernie) had to slam on his breaks to keep from hitting Bert head-on. Bert stopped too-- in the middle of our lane!

By this time, the wave is in full motion. The other two lanes are about up to speed, all of them trying to make that light up ahead. Oblivious Bert just waits there, blocking a full lane, until enough cars see the situation and stop long enough to let him through. Of course, neither Ernie nor I (Can I be Grover?) nor anyone behind us make the light that was only about 20 yards away.

Now, you may be thinking, "So what? That sounds just like a typical asshole driver to me." You're right. But what was Bert's mindset when he made that bonehead move? He *knew* that there was nowhere for him to go, but he went anyway. He probably thought that Ernie wouldn't want to wreck his car, prolong his commute, and ruin his day by running into Bert. You could say he forced Ernie to stop, but to me, it was an act of faith. He believed that he knew what would happen.

After realizing his error, Bert also could have backed up the three feet necessary to accommodate our lane. He could have waited in the left-turn lane for the traffic to pass or even stop, and then make his turn. But again, Bert had faith. He knew that if he stayed his course, eventually others would accommodate him. And he was right! That's pretty amazing, actually.

So, back to what I was saying at the beginning. If *everyone* drove this way, it would be anarchy. Have you ever visited a country where they don't have (or obey) lanes on a road? It isn't pretty. But if just one person out of hundreds does it, the ripple is quickly absorbed by the stream.

You could take from this example that there's always going to be an arrogant jerk on the road with no consideration for other drivers. Or, it could be that all of us are actually quite considerate, and from time to time we are asked to prove it.

As someone who is ashamed of my own occasional bouts of road rage, I think I'll choose the latter.

Give Me That Penny!

This isn't the post I meant to make today, but those can wait (and already have). This just happened today.

I was trying to be a good son on the way over to visit my folks. I stopped by Subway to pick up some lunch for us. When everything was assembled and ready to go, the total came to $11.26. Unfortunately, I didn't have a penny.

Hoping to not get a pocketful of change, I handed over a $20 bill and a quarter and said, "Can I borrow a penny?" The guy said sure, rang it up, then handed me my change... $8.99! Then, he said, "Now you have a penny," and took one out of my change! WHAT!? I was so dumbstruck that I couldn't speak. He saw the obvious confusion on my face and tried to explain his transaction, how I was "paying back" the penny I "borrowed." I just shook my head and left, the whole time knowing I'd just been shorted, but not exactly able to reason out why.

(Edit: $11.26 from $20.25 leaves $8.99. He gave me correct change, then took a penny for no reason.)

By the time I got to my car, I was actually mad enough to go back in and demand my penny back. Fortunately for the dude behind the counter, but unfortunately for the entertainment value of this blog, I did not. I just didn't think I'd be able to convince the cashier of his error.

As I drove home, I kept dwelling on it. I wasn't sure what made me more angry: that the kid just didn't "get" why I wanted to borrow a penny, or my inability to correct him after the transaction.

I know a lot of people would just blow it off, reasoning that "it was only a penny." But those people don't know me very well. I still get genuinely excited when I find pennies on the sidewalk. (By the way, I don't go in for any of that heads/tails nonsense. A penny's a penny!) I always look at the date and the mint. I hoard them miserly until I roll and deposit my change. Pennies rule.

I have demanded correct change for a penny before, so that didn't deter me. It was my own innumeracy that kept me from arguing about it. For shame on me!

Rise & Shine 5k

Well, I've completed my first 5k of the season. This is also the first one I've run since I injured my hip at the Thanksgiving Turkey Trot. The cold weather, the injury, and dealing with my father kept me from running in all of December and January, and I've only slowly gotten back into the habit over the last few months.

My pace and running ease aren't where they were before my running break, but I'm glad I'm finally getting the desire to run more frequently. Taking any time off from exercise can be brutal to your ability to get back into it. I realize that running 5k (3.1 miles) isn't much, but I don't think I'm cut out to be a distance runner.

Anyway, the Rise & Shine 5k was sponsored by some companies downtown, and a friend of ours works for one of those companies. In order to boost participation, his company paid the entry fees for employees, friends, and family. That was even better incentive.

So, here are my stats:

• Time: 27:37 Pace: 8:55
• Overall position: 182 out of 591
• Men's position: 135 out of 296
• Men 40-44 position: 12 out of 24

Just for comparison, the race leader won with 16:43.

Lately, my runs have been averaging around the 26-27 mark, so I'm not surprised or too disappointed in that time. However, my best 5k from last year was the Turkey Trot at 24:20! I was really hoping that the adrenaline of the race would kick me up to around 25, but I guess not.

I have two goals to achieve in a race this year, and reaching either of them would be great. I'd like to get my time back under 25:00 again, and/or I'd like to finish in the top 100 overall. The former is probably more likely than the latter, unless I can continue to find more small runs like this one. Usually, the total runners are about three times this amount.

Lastly, and I promise to complain about this only once, but get the walkers out of the way! I don't know why this bothers me so much, especially considering it happens at every single race. But seriously. If you know you're going to be walking the 5k, or even just barely jogging, that's absolutely fine. But please, please, please start at the back of the runners! Please keep to the right side of the course. Please don't line up four or five abreast and link arms. I don't feel confident or fast enough to deserve to be up at the very front of the starting line, but I am just sick of having to dodge so many people during the first mile. And yet, this happens at every single race, so you'd think I would have accepted it by now.

Innumeracy, Again

A lot of stupid things have been going through my head lately, and rather than encouraging me to post more often, it has shut me down.

First off, a shout out to my friend Mark Johnson. He posted the discussion we did a couple of months ago for his podcast. You can listen to it here: Boardgames To Go. It's a little over an hour long, and we talk about "classic" boardgames. We had a hard time coming up with a clear definition of a classic. We basically divided it into Ancient (Backgammon, Go, Chess, etc.) and modern (Monopoly, Scrabble, Risk, etc.).

I listened to it again soon after it was published. After I got over the never-ending shock of what my voice sounds like on tape, I was surprised by the amount of things we delved into. I'm pretty proud of it, and if you are into the boardgame hobby like I am, I think it's worth a listen. It was definitely thought-provoking, as evidenced by the numerous comments Mark has received already.

Speaking of numbers, let's talk about that for a bit. The other day I was out for lunch. When my debit card receipt came to me, it had "Gratuity Guidelines 15% = xx" at the bottom. This bothered me. Not because it was blatantly asking for a tip, nor because it was suggesting 15% (although those did nag at me a bit).

No, it bothered me because it removed the "burden" of a simple math equation from the customer. I used to think those credit card-sized charts were bad; this was ridiculous. Really? Is 15% that hard? 10% and half again. Halfway between 10% and 20%. Are we really that afraid of having to do math? This frightens me, actually. I know it is just meant as a convenience, but I can think of a lot better things that could and should be streamlined for convenience.

I'll use this as a segue to another thing that's been bothering me for a long time: the number 1,000,000,000. That's a billion. Do you know how much a billion is? Apparently, most people don't. A billion seconds is 31.7 years. A billion minutes is 1900 years. There's some pictures out there that show a pallet of money, I think it's about a million dollars. I don't feel like finding it. Then they show a CGI image of that pallet multiplied by 1,000 to get a billion. For some reason, the scale of a billion being a thousand times more than a million gets lost on people.

This was most evident when the budget was released (yes, this has been bothering me a long time). The budget was something on the order of $840 billion. Then pundits and opposers and politicians came out and decried parts of the bill that cost a few million dollars. Some even complained about a program costing $80,000. Now, if you had $840.00 to spend however you liked, how would you feel about being criticized for how you spent four cents? I'm not saying that four cents couldn't be wasteful, but seriously, let's put things in perspective here.

But because of the massive innumeracy of our country, people get away with stuff like that. People on both sides. A billion is too large for most people to grasp, so their brain freezes and they don't worry about it. By an odd reversal, a million seems a little more comprehensible, so people get outraged when a million is misspent.

I have no idea what the solution is, but it just irritates me how often I see bad math and bad science popularized in the media. Don't even get me started about statistics.

My Trip, Part I: Random Thoughts

Last weekend I took a trip out to California to visit friends and play games. It was a good trip, overall. I had fun and it was nice to get away from work for a while. I'll talk about the games in a separate post. This one will just cover some random experiences from the trip.

Thrifting - One of my favorite little hobbies is going to thrift stores. It's something I've done all my life without really thinking about it, but lately it's become more of a full-fledged hobby. Since I was flying into LAX and driving out to the hotel where I would meet my friends, I made a Google map that highlighted thrift stores along the way.

I had visited a couple of them the last time I was out, and knew they would provide some sort of bounty. I mainly seek out vintage Hawaiian shirts and board games. Both for personal use, but the latter also for resale on eBay. This is how I fund my new game purchases. I'm happy to say I found some of each this time. I got two groovy shirts and five games: Trumpet, Outdoor Adventure, Beyond Balderdash, Raj, and Napoleon in Europe.

One of the stores I visited is my all-time favorite. They have a literal wall of games. Dozens of them of all shapes, sizes, and types. I'm often tempted to pick up several just to play once with my friends and then either toss or re-donate back to the store. I mean, MTV's Remote Control Home Edition? How cool is that?

Debit or Credit? - This part bothered me a bit. I've been reading several financial books lately and working really hard to live completely debt free. I'm in good shape, actually, but it has been work since most of my life I have been a pretty carefree spender. Anyway, at the rental car place I wanted to pay with my debit card. They told me they would have to put a $400 deposit on it. At the hotel when I paid with my debit card, they told me they would charge the full amount of the room up front. Lastly, when filling up the tank of the rental before returning it, the gas pump display told me I got a $0.45 (What happened to the "cents" key?) charge for using debit.

All these little things felt like I was being conspired against for not using credit. I understand that with credit, the funds are coming from the seemingly limitless funds of the bank, whereas debit comes from the unknown depths of my personal account. I get that. But what if I had wanted to write a check for any of these purchases? Would that not have been allowed? (Probably not, since I was from out of town.) And what about the Visa logo on my debit card? Doesn't that guarantee the transaction just as much? And what exactly is the difference if I were to use my debit card as a credit card?

Line Ethics - I have traveled quite a bit casually thanks to the passes I used to get from my sister. I know the drill when it comes to getting through the security lines. Now they've divided them up between the Casual Traveler line and the Expert Traveler line. I have no problem identifying myself as an Expert, and I zip right through. However, when I was leaving LAX a family of six decided they just wanted to be in the shorter line. Grandma, two parents, and three kids in their teens held up the line for 10 minutes. They had trouble walking through the metal detector. They had trouble putting all their gear on the conveyor. Oh, I have to take off my belt? How many times do we have to walk through? Oh, I have to take off my shoes?

Additionally frustrating was the fact that none of the security guards seemed to mind that these people clearly did not belong in the "Expert Traveler" line. I suppose it was too late to kick them out of the line, but what's the point of having the separate lines if they don't mean anything?

Beer Ethics - Okay, last little bit because I see I'm rambling as usual. At the airport on my way out, I stopped to get a $10 turkey sandwich from a stall and a couple of beers at the bar. When I got the tab, the bartender had only charged me for one. So I called him over and pointed out his error without thinking much about it. But the guy on the stool next to me says, "Man, that's cool." Huh? "That's cool that you told him about the mistake." The bartender, too, seemed overly grateful to me. It bothers me that doing the right thing was seen as a praiseworthy act. Are we really that selfish and bad that most people wouldn't have corrected him?

Greg's Blog: It's Readable!

What's with Bud Light's new advertising slogan? "The difference is drinkability."

Seriously?

The best thing you can say about your beer is that it is drinkable? So is my urine. Heaven forbid you set the bar too high or anything. What isn't drinkable? Sand?

"Hey Carl, what do you think of this beer?"
"It's drinkable."

I suppose the argument could be made that it is a relative market. In that sense, Bud Light is saying that they are more drinkable than their competitors, say Miller Lite. On that scale, I suppose their claim may have merit. It's like the politicians who run on the platform "I'm better than the other guy."

It is here that I feel compelled to put in a plug for my local brewery, Saint Arnold, who's owner Brock Wagner is fond of saying, "We make beer with flavor."

A New Top Three!

I have a firm belief that the type of car you drive reflects your skills as a driver. I don't apply this theory to people I know, only to random strangers I see on the road.

In general, it seems as though the more expensive the car, the more likely the driver is terrible. There is some logic behind this. If you have a more expensive car, you probably make more money than most people. If you make more money, you probably believe yourself to be more important than others. If you believe yourself more important, of course you're not going to be courteous or even observant of other people on the road. This doesn't even factor in the likelihood of a cell phone.

Here's my ranking of the top three worst drivers by car. I've added my suggested exclamations for situations involving them as well.

#3: Lexus
Always a favorite on the list, although it is down from the number two spot last year. I'm also seeing a lot more older Lexi on the road these days. Has this become the used car of choice?
Exclamation: "Son of a Lexus!"

#2: Nissan
This one came out of nowhere. Not even on last year's list, these drivers are rapidly shooting for the number one spot. And surprisingly, they aren't all that expensive a car. Way to go, up and comers! Update: I meant to write this originally, but it took my friend Pete's comment to remind me: The assholery of Nissan drivers seems to be unique in that it's pretty well confined to the SUV and Crossover models. Sorry, Pete!
Exclamation: "Nissan!" but said with a hiss through clenched teeth, much like Seinfeld's "Neuman!"

#1: Mercedes Benz
No surprise here. Consistently whether I'm being cut off on the freeway, nearly sideswiped from a parking lot, or just generally encountering jerky driving, I look forward to seeing that damned tri-sected circle.
Exclamation: "Mercedeeeeees!" screamed to the heavens while shaking your fist angrily at the sky.

I'm very surprised that BMW didn't make the cut this year. It has been a pretty constant performer for the past five years. Perhaps the market has diluted the BMW driver pool too much.

Crusader for Postal Justice

Man, I really don't like people. I really like postal workers. Especially the ones at my local station. I'm always polite to them, and we've actually shared jokes about other irritated customers in line. So this morning, when I found myself in the presence of two self-centered asses, I was compelled to speak up.

I supposedly had a package fail to deliver on Monday. I say supposedly because I didn't get the package or a failed delivery notice, but the tracking number online says it happened. So I went to the post office to see if I could get the package without the notice. After thoroughly searching, no package. Sucks for me, but this is all ancillary to the real story.

There was only one lady at the counter when I walked in. She greeted me and helped me right away, which entailed going to the back. Right behind me was some young business guy on a cell phone (of course). He continued to talk loudly, as all cell phone users do, but surprisingly he finished his call and didn't make another. Perhaps he actually read the sign forbidding cell phones while in line.

Next came a young lady who probably doesn't have to work. She was dressed sort of grunge-soccer-mom-chic. As soon as she walked in she saw me at the counter, the young man waiting, and no postal workers. "Oh, I see they're working at their usual pace." snide snicker.
Dude: "Yeah, that's for sure," snort, snicker.
Me: I just shook my head and looked away.

Some time passes as the worker helping me continues to look for my package. Clearly not able to just wait patiently in silence, the young lady feels it's time to express her irritation again. After all, she can hear people talking somewhere in the office, and she's already got the business dude on her side.
Bitch: "Something selfish and bitchy." I don't really remember what she said, but I'm sure you can imagine something approximate.
Jerk: "Yeah, that's the way it always goes. Must be nice to not have to work." Or something like that.
Me: "You know, just because they're not out here doesn't mean they're not working."

What?

There was a minuscule pause as they took in what just happened. Did that guy, did he just contradict us? Did he actually defend the postal workers?

Bitch: "Well, there are stereotypes and generalities, but that's because generally they're true." That wasn't it exactly, but seriously it was something that inane and nonsensical. I guess she wasn't mentally prepared to defend her bitchiness. I caught her off guard.
Me: "They're job is to deliver the mail, not so serve you." That's exactly what I said. I wanted to add more to it, but I couldn't think how to phrase it just right. In my mind, I kept thinking things like "Do you expect there to be 3 or 4 workers at the counter, twiddling their thumbs most of the morning, just on the off chance that three people come in at once?" or "Are you really so important that they should stop everything they're doing to help you?" I even wanted to make some comment about whether she was always on call at her job, but then I figured she was just a housewife. Oops, I mean "Stay at home Mom."

That's really pretty much the end of the story. It didn't come to blows, and I just decided to ignore her. I was tempted to say something snide about them to the postal worker, but thought better of it. I know people are in a hurry, and I know people expect employees in a service industry to be at their beck and call, but I'm just tired of this crap. Show a little patience. Show a little kindness. I'm quite intolerant of intolerant people.

Why there is Road Rage

So, I have to run a few errands this evening. First, I grab my bottles and head for the recycling center. There's a place not far from me that has a drive-through. You still have to get out and dump your stuff, but otherwise it's pretty convenient. There are two lanes: one for parking and dumping your stuff, the other for driving through. Sometimes, all the parking spots are taken, so I park at the curb and walk the 20 feet to the actual bins. What I didn't realize was that I was suppose to just park in the drive-through lane and block traffic for anyone who wants to leave. That's what the guy in the silver BMW Behemoth or whatever they're called did. He waved to me as I'm waiting to get out. What am I supposed to do? Wave back? Does the wave make it okay? Exactly what is he signaling, anyway? "Hi! Yes, I know I'm a jerk. Howyadoin?"

From the recycling place, it's a quick jaunt over to the grocery store. This one is always crowded for some reason, and the weekends are even worse. The rows in the parking lot are two-way, but the spaces are angled so that one side is outbound, one side is inbound. Unless, of course, you're driving an SUVwagon. Then you're allowed to whip around right in front of me, make a five-point turn, and take the space on my side of the aisle.

Once in the store, I make the mistake of not getting a basket. This is a mistake for a couple of reasons. One, it's a clear signal to everyone that I'm trying to get in, get out as quickly as possible. That's like sending up a flare. Second, it doesn't allow me to block the progress of others or smash their cart out of my way. For example, as I'm heading to the beer aisle, a man stops his cart directly in front of the aisle. Not inconveniently, we're talking completely blocking entrance. Then he just stands and looks around as if he forgot where he is. I barely manage to squeeze by and try to shake it off.

Next, I head to the dairy section for some milk. Here, some other mannerly couple has parked their cart directly in front of the one case I need to get into. And again, this isn't about it being merely in the way, oh no. It's parked so close that it's not even possible to open the door were I able to reach it. Needless to say, they're deciding on something in a completely different case.

After these hurdles have been passed, I head to the auto-check out lane. Silly me, I actually came at it from the front. A woman cuts across from behind and to the side, and cuts directly in front of me! It was unbelievable. Fortunately, she wasn't paying attention and didn't realize that the other check out counter was open as well. Haha! I easily side-stepped her blocking move and made it to the one closer to the door. Victory is mine!

I make it to the car, and take a deep breath before heading out. "Just stay off the freeway," I think to myself. Nah, I give up. The other errands can wait. That's just too many jerks in too short a time; I can't risk it. I made it safely home.

TABC Torture

Well, this isn't the post I intended to make, but maybe I'll make two posts in one day.

Right now, I'm taking an online class to get my TABC certification. This allows me to serve alcohol as a bartender, or in my case, as a volunteer at Saint Arnold Brewery. They offer the class at the brewery, but I didn't feel like going to it, plus it's a little cheaper online.

However, what I didn't realize is that the online version is deliberately and excessively sloooooow. It said at the beginning that it would take six(!) hours. I thought it meant "up to" six hours, but clearly that is not the case. Even when I finish reading a section early, I have to wait for the timer to count down before it allows me to continue. Not that I'm just allowed to read anyway. No, each section has to be read aloud to me, apparently just to waste time.

I took an online defensive driving course last year that was similar, but at least it was reasonable. In that one, you would have segments that lasted about 5 to 10 minutes, or films that ran as long as 15. With those times, you can easily do other things. This one has much shorter segments (3 to 6 minutes on average), but worse, it requires a mouse click about every 30 seconds to continue. It's maddening! I tried to do laundry-- fold a shirt, click, fold a shirt, click, fold a shirt, click. I'm trying to post to the blog-- write a sentence, click, write a few words, click, write a few... oops, what was I saying? I had to go click.

Another bad comparison, the defensive driving course could be broken up over the course of several days if I wanted. Not this one. As far as I can tell, I've got to sit here for the next six hours (well, only four now). However, I'm on lesson 8 of 10, so maybe I'm wrong and I'll finish this ordeal much sooner.

But worse than the inconvenience are the stupid animations. Every lesson has several slow animations introducing the lesson. It looks like someone was really bored with PowerPoint.

But the absolute worst part of this whole deal is the reasoning behind it. I was recently listening to the Get-It-Done Guy's podcast (quite interesting, I recommend it), and he was talking about finding the "why's" behind actions. That really made me think about this stupid online certification process. Why does it take six hours? What is the goal?

Since I have to take and pass a test at the end to receive my certification, it seems to me that the goal is to ensure that I am familiar with the information they are presenting. If that's the case, why can't I just read the information at my own pace? I'd still have to pass the test, but I wouldn't have to waste so much time.

If instead the goal is some sort of punishment, then they've got it right. I understand that in the context of defensive driving, but not at all in TABC certification.