Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey folks-

Sorry the update's a little late, both in the day and the week, but I don't really have any new adventures to tell you. I just wanted to send a note out wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving, and express my appreciation for all the support, and that you all haven't changed your e-mail addresses. Thanks for listening (reading) my ramblings, and have a good holiday.

Greg

PS-

Distant early warning-- My party is definitely on again for next year, Saturday, February 1st. I know that seems awfully far away, but it has a very easy tendency to be here before you know it. The theme this year is television, so start planning your costumes accordingly!

Movie Quote Challenge:

Number One: "What a fitting end to your life's pursuits. You're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something."

Number Two: "Those aren't pillows!"

Movie Quote Answers:

Congratulations!! Joel Swift was the first to correctly identify this round's quotes.

Number One: Raiders of the Lost Ark (a reminder of my party, I hope) by Lawrence Kasdan

Number Two: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (a reminder of the holiday) by John Hughes

Thanks for playing, everybody, have a great weekend.

Greg

Jackass: The E-Mail

Greetings, sports fans!

That is, if there are any sports fans left there after your Texans' disappointing 38-3 loss, but hey, look on the bright side-- The Rams won!

Well, I must be losing my memory or not taking good notes, 'cause I was sure I had all sorts of exciting things to write about this time, but I can't remember them all. So does that mean a short update? Heck no! I'm sure I'll find all sorts of random, irrelevant crap to ramble on about, so let's get started!

10/25 - 10/27 - I went to a three-day screenwriting seminar given by a guy named Robert McKee. This name probably doesn't mean anything to most of you (nor should it, really), but he is *the* big-time screenwriting guru. Every other book or lecturer on screenwriting always references or recommends Mr. McKee, and with good reason. The course was pretty overwhelming, to be sure. It was three 10-hour days sitting and listening to him speak/perform. Of course, these could have been 8-hour days easily if he didn't go off on so many irrelevant tangents. I'm not exaggerating, either. The first day, the first two hours had absolutely nothing to do with the course. But, he is an entertaining old coot to be sure. For example, during one of the first day's opening rants, he complained about cell phones. Nothing new or unusual there, but he went on to say that if any rang during the course of the lecture, the owner would have to pay him ten bucks. Sure enough, the next day someone's phone went off. And true to his word, he stopped the lecture, walked up to the culprit, and stood there with his hand out until they coughed up $10. It was awesome! You can imagine what a frantic scouring through pagers and cell phones happened next as everyone made sure they wouldn't be next. Even better, someone forgot again the next day, and another ten went in his pocket.

As a lecturer, McKee was very engaging. This lecture was all about story, which is his forte and also the basis of his main book. His book is jam-packed with great info, as was the lecture, but there was one large difference. The book is rather dry and textbook-like, no personality. His lecture is very much filled with personality, which for him includes more cursing than a dockside bar full of sailors. It was great! Here's this smart, old, opinionated curmudgeon giving a lecture like a George Carlin routine. McKee's a Carlin fan, too, I found out when talking with him during the break.

Speaking of comedians (you like that segue? I'm a writer you know), also attending this class with me was Drew Carey. I wasn't sure if it was really him at first, so I had to play a little stalker/detective. You know, quietly standing behind him to hear his voice, taking the urinal next to him in the men's room, stealing his wallet and checking his ID, that kind of stuff. But it really was him, so celebrity sighting number two I guess. Anyway, in answer to your question, no, we're not best buds now. I didn't go up and talk to him or anything because I just don't know what the etiquette is on that. I mean, is that rude? Does it bother celebrities when complete strangers walk up and introduce themselves? I don't know. I try to imagine what that would be like for when I'm extremely rich, powerful, and famous. I mean, if someone came up to me and said, "Hi Greg, don't you remember me? I'm your mother" it wouldn't bother me too much as long as my security team was able to haul her away before she got too close. (That's just a joke, Mom.)

The lecture ended with a six-hour, scene-by-scene analysis of Casablanca, which was really, really cool. I've always liked the movie anyway, but having it picked apart like that showed me so many levels that I'd never considered before. McKee used the movie as a neat example and summary of all the things that we had talked about all weekend, and it was a very effective closing note. His analysis and conclusion filled all of the class with hope and excitement. The class was very much an overload, but I came home very excited to get back to work. The entire time during the lecture I was taking notes not about the lecture (I have the book, so it wasn't really necessary), but about ways to fix the screenplays I'm working on. I knew there were problems, but now I knew why, and had a better idea of how to fix them. This was definitely worth the time and money, I found it extremely inspirational. Now, a question that may be on your mind is "Why didn't you take this course a long time ago?" Well, that's a good point. I should have. I didn't know much about it before, but I won't use that as an excuse. I have no excuse. The only answer I can give is a quote from George Eliot: "It is never too late to be what you might become." The key is to not let this current enthusiasm wane.

10/31 - Happy Halloween! I had a fun mis-translation at the Transcription Company today. "Candy and costumes" became "Kantian costumes." I can just imagine dozens of elementary school white-wigged philosopher children running about the neighborhood. "Although there is no moral imperative for you to give me a treat, reason clearly shows that choosing to receive a trick would be bad."

Halloween has always been my all-time favorite holiday, but I find myself now in the same boat that many others have been in for years concerning Christmas. The crass commercialization of the holiday is really starting to get to me. I'm certainly not an observer of the religious aspects of Halloween, but all this other crap they're selling now really changes it for me. Cute little witches and skeletons? Halloween lights? Halloween trees? What happened to the days when Halloween was actually supposed to be spooky? Is it impolitic to scare children these days? sigh. Oh well, for now I guess I'll just have to let it go. But you can bet that when I have a house in a neighborhood with trick-or-treating children, my garage will become a haunted house so frightening that I'll have to hand out clean pairs of underwear at the exit.

So, what did I do on Halloween? Nothing too exciting, unfortunately. I went to see The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari at the silent movie theater. It's a classic from the German Expressionist period (wow, doesn't that sound exciting!) and it's full of really weird angles and scenery. Sadly, it's not really full of entertainment. I was rather disappointed, but glad I saw it nonetheless. However, I have to vent for just a second about something else. During the intermission at the theater, they had a costume contest (I didn't win, sadly) of all the people there. Not everyone was in costume, and some were better than others, but that's to be expected. Here's my beef, though. Third place went to Mr. Clean (bald guy in white pants and shirt, with cotton balls for eyebrows). Not bad, but certainly not too difficult or original. He didn't even remember the gold earring. First place went to a pair of clowns. They looked very nice, but come on, clowns? How hard is that? But here's the real kicker. Second place when to... are you ready? The Unabomber. Huh? Yes, a guy with a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses won second place in a costume contest with a six-year-old news reference. Way to go. I guess it would've been too frightening to dress up as a sniper. You don't want to scare people on Halloween.

11/2 - I was playing games with some friends when I made an interesting discovery. Apparently, one of the guys I kind of hang out with (we're not really close, we just meet up sometimes) wrote Last Action Hero and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. Now, I realize that's not the same as having written A Beautiful Mind, but it is two scripts that actually got produced, whether you liked them or not. I'm not sure whether or not (or how much) to pester him about it yet, though. I mean, clearly I want to learn whatever I can from him, and in Hollywood speak, "use this contact to my advantage," but at the same time I don't want to scare him off by becoming this desperate wannabe screenwriter groupie. You want to hear a really scary story of how Hollywood I've become? Earlier in the evening (before I found out his writing credits) he invited me over to his house to play this old computer game we had a lot of nostalgia for. I kind of shied away, not sure if I really wanted to spend that much time with him. When I later found out his credits, I started mentally kicking myself for turning away a chance to get to know him better. How shallow is that!? It's happening! Oh no!! Help me!!!

Okay, that's about all I got this time. I hope everyone has a great week, and I'll talk to you soon!

Greg

Movie Quote Challenge:

Number One: "Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking."

Number Two: "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."

Movie Quote Answers:

Congratulations to Joe Henderson! He correctly named the following movies:

Number One: The Wizard of Oz, by Noel Langley

Number Two: Casablanca, by Julius & Philip Epstein

Thanks for playing, better luck next time!

Greg

Count Dracu-L.A.

Good Afternoon!

Yes, it's that time again. Time to sit back, kick your shoes off, put your dogs up, put aside work, and listen to me ramble on for a while.

10/12 - Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been talking about the Silent Movie Theater as much as before. Well, I'm still a big fan, but I haven't been able to go as often as I had been earlier. However, this weekend I made an exception. You may recall me mentioning Bob Mitchell, the organist who plays accompaniment to the silent pictures. Well, he had his 90th birthday party, which was celebrated at a classic old theater downtown. It was quite the event. The theater itself was beautiful. It was one of the original Orpheum theaters, built to showcase vaudeville acts. Harry Houdini, W.C. Fields, and the Marx Brothers had actually played there. The place was a little worn for wear, but it had just been purchased with the intention of being fully restored, and this was the first event hosted there since the purchase. There were people there dressed for the occasion, either by wearing a tux, or dressing in period costume. The whole show was hosted by Bill Pullman, which was kind of a neat surprise, not that he's a huge star or anything. Janet Klein & Her Parlor Boys played, as well as an exhibition by some jitterbug dancers (side note: I'm pretty sure one pair of dancers actually appeared in the jitterbug contest on Ed last week). After that, Bill Pullman came back on stage and proceeded to do a sort of "This is Your Life" narrative for Mr. Mitchell. I say sort of because much of this presentation consisted of audio clips from an *actual* "This is Your Life" done for Mr. Mitchell in 1949! This guy's really been around! At one point during the presentation, they continued playing an old radio ad, as Mr. Pullman acted it out. "Ah, Philip Morris, the cigarette that doesn't give you a cigarette hangover." After all the accolades, they showed Buster Keaton's "Seven Chances" (another classic from Keaton, with scenes that were directly heisted by Lucas for some of the shots in The Phantom Menace), and Mr. Mitchell actually played for the movie. What's even more amazing, it was his *fourth* gig for the day! If you'd like to read a very short little piece on Mr. Mitchell, here's a bio I found.

Also from this particular evening, I had my first celebrity sighting, although it hardly even counts as such and I was hesitant as to whether I should mention it at all, especially since I don't even know the guy's name. Do you by any weird chance remember a show on Comedy Central called "Viva Variety?" It was a variety/comedy show that didn't last very long. It was hosted by a guy pretending to be Monsieur Laupin. Well, that was the guy. More recognizable, maybe, if you've seen any of the recent Snickers commercials where someone daydreams or makes a bad decision because of hunger. The game show host-like guy who comes on and says, "This wouldn't have happened if he had had a Snickers bar." That's the guy. (Editor's note: I've since discovered the man's name is Thomas Lennon, of recent fame from Reno 911.) The funny part about the sighting is that I saw him as I was just wandering around the theater looking and admiring it. I was up on the balcony, and he was there making an ungainly, somewhat rude climb over a railing to get to his seat with some friends. He looked really awkward, and I couldn't help but look at him. Of course, in my mind I'm just thinking, hey, is that the guy that...? And I keep looking at him trying to be sure. What's funny is, he saw me looking at him, and I'm *sure* he thought I was giving him a disparaging look because of the awkward move he had just made (side note: In another strange connection to the show Ed, another character from this guy's show "Viva Variety" was Johnny Bluejeans. The actor who plays him now plays Phil Stubbs, the goofy bowling alley employee on Ed).

10/16 - Went to see a film compilation of short animated features called "Spike and Mike's Festival of Sick and Twisted Animation." It was terrible. Terrible! But, you say, "sick and twisted?" Surely that would make it interesting? No. Out of the hour and a half I was there, I was amused for maybe six minutes. I could go into needless detail of the completely worthless things I saw, but that's not my point. I mention this only to impart two bits of knowledge I gained to you, my hapless reader. First, if you make something offensive enough, someone will show it, and second, offensive *can* be funny, but offensive doesn't *equal* funny. Save your money, steer far away from this gem.

10/17 - Depending on which way I drive home from work, I often pass by this tiny, hole-in-the-wall chili restaurant. Finally, I could stand it no more and stopped in. It was the coolest. It's this tiny little room with big horseshoe-shaped bar in the middle. Everyone sits around it like at a diner, and as soon as you sit down they plop bowls of oyster crackers, onions, and peppers in front of you. It's almost like you don't even have a choice. I didn't even see a menu anywhere until after I had ordered. No problem though, 'cause obviously I was there for the chili. One weird thing, though, is about a third of the people there had their chili over spaghetti, which I'd never seen before. Anyway, this was the best chili I'd ever had, so next time any of you come to visit, we're going there for sure. Chili John's. Oh, and speaking of work, I actually have another entertaining mis-translation. They've gone down considerably the longer I've worked there, as the computer is getting used to my voice. However, I'm still fighting a cold I picked up in Germany (gee, really? After standing around in the cold rain without a jacket and sleeping in an airport? That's odd.), so my voice isn't exactly the same. Anyway, of the many I've had, the good one I remember was ABC's news correspondent Barry Mitchell becoming "very mental."

10/20 - Well, like the fool I am, I got a table at the L.A. Comic Convention again, to try and sell my wares to the public. This time was better and worse, though. It was better because I shared the table with my friend who made a movie, and he tried to sell it there as well. This cut down on the expense. It was worse because we didn't sell anything. Well, I sold a few, and he sold one, but still, that's like nothing. I don't really have any good stories about the feaks and nut jobs that attend these things. Why do I mention it? Well, for astute readers that may remember my last excursion to the show, way back in Issue #8, I received a videotape that threatened I would die in seven days if I watched it. Sound familiar? That is the premise of a new movie called "The Ring." Apparently, my tape was a very early promotional gimmick to get people curious, and then have a resounding impact when the movie came out. Pretty clever, I guess. It definitely explains how someone could afford to give away all those videotapes.

Well, that's about all for now. I'm still really depressed about not being a pirate, but oh well. I had thought there was a strong chance of me getting back into the project due to some changes that had been made (hence my little tease at the end of the last update), but alas it appears I have missed the pirate boat for good. Arrgh. I knew I should have amputated one of my legs.

So that about wraps it up for me this time. Hope everyone is having a great time, and I want you all to have a fantastic Halloween, my all-time favorite holiday!

Greg

Movie Quote Challenge:

Number One: "Oh God, Mother, blood! Blood!"

Number Two: "Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."

Movie Quote Answers:

Congratulations! Dale Prasek was the first to correctly identify today's quotes:

Number One: Psycho, by Joseph Stefano

Number Two: Dracula, by John Balderston & Hamilton Deane

Better luck next time, and have a great Halloween!

Greg

The Longest Longest Day

Guten tag!

What am I doing? What the hell am I doing here? Why do I spend so much time writing these incredibly long Updates? Shouldn't they be about all the things I'm doing to become a screenwriter? What are all these stupid adventures about, anyway? Who would want to read all this crap? What am I doing with my life? These are some of the questions that occur to a person when spending hours, nay, days on an airplane. No lie, this is gonna be a long one, folks.

Hey, everybody. As you may remember, when we last left our intrepid hero, he had given up a pirate role in favor of a trip to Germany for Oktoberfest, then changed his mind only to find that the casting changed and he was no longer able to play a pirate. Destiny? Weird fate? Maybe. Only time will tell.

Now, I'm not going to bother to tell you all the things that happened on my trip to Germany, that is much more suited for personal, face to face conversations anyway. I also don't have any pictures developed yet, so I don't even have proper illustrations for my story. Once I've done that, and sifted through them to remove any incriminating evidence, I'll be sure to post them on my website if you're curious. However, though I have no intention of dragging you through all the tales of the trip, I think it's only fair that I tell you all about the low- and highlights of my little vacation. (Vacation from what, you say? Um, no comment.)

First, the bad part:
9/25 - 9/26 - The flight out. Woo hoo! I'm going to Germany! Bright and early Wednesday morning, ready for my 8:30 flight, my roommate and I head out for the airport at 6:30 am. Now, from our apartment, it's usually a 45 minute drive to LAX. I know, I know, technically for an international flight I'm supposed to get there even earlier, but what can I say. It's never been a problem so far. So far. Well, traffic was exceptionally bad as I'm sure you predicted. I arrive at the gate at 8:25. Sadly, they were not exactly pleased and I missed my flight. Tragedy. However, the ticket agent was very helpful and was able to get me a new flight plan that left four hours later. That's cool, I thought, I can hang in the airport for a while, I have my books and writing stuff to work on. My flight plan isn't exactly inviting-- L.A. to N.Y., N.Y. to Paris, Paris to Munich. Lots of air time, but hey, at least I'm getting there. The hours pass uneventfully, and I get on the plane without a hitch, ready to hit the skies.

Well, I got on without a hitch, but that didn't necessarily mean we hit the skies. Apparently, we had a passenger problem. I wasn't witness to this, but it seems as though someone decided to sit in business class without paying for it. This information comes via the pilot. I had no idea what a terrible violation of airline security this was. But it was. After sitting on the runway for about 30 minutes, we turned around, went back to the terminal, police came and took him off the plane, and back we went out to the runway. But of course, since we missed our spot in line to take off, we had to wait another hour and a half before we were able to leave. For those of you keeping score at home-- Time since I left my house: 8 hours. Distance from L.A.: 0 miles.

Fortunately, the trip to N.Y. was again uneventful. However, because of the delay I was concerned about making my connecting flight. I told the flight attendant, and she told the pilot, and he told the airport, so by the time we landed I had a whole contingency of people waiting to shoot me over to the next flight. It was actually pretty cool. I felt so important! I get off the airplane and immediately some guy gets me and we start running through the airport. We of course had to stop at the x-ray machine, but then we kept running. He hands me off to a guy in a van to drive me over to the other terminal. He asks me, "Are you some rock star or something?" Apparently, he noticed the VIP treatment as well. Of course I said yes. We scream into the next terminal where the package (me) is passed on to the next carrier. We run up to the counter with plenty of time to spare. He even politely makes sure my checked bag made the transfer as well. All is good.

Now, this flight to Paris is not exactly what I would call pleasant. For some reason, there is some sort of regulation in international travel that if you're not flying first class, you're cattle. This was perhaps the smallest, most uncomfortable seat I've ever flown in, and as a bonus, it's a nine hour flight! Plus, I'm flying on Air France this time, and I probably need not remind you of the famed European hygiene skills. I felt like an immigrant on the bottom level of the Titanic. Plus I had the added bonus of elderly French people behind me who thought the back of my seat was good leverage for their frequent trips to the restroom, snapping my head back and forth, for a nine hour flight. For those of you keeping score at home—- Time since I left my house: 21 hours. Time since I've had any sleep: 21 hours.

I arrive in Paris, greeting the sun on a lovely Thursday afternoon. I only have an hour till my next flight, and it goes smoothly. I arrive in Munich, about six hours later than my original plan, but still incredibly thankful that I made it and was done with any flying for while. Unfortunately, my luggage decided that N.Y. was so nice it should stay there for a few days on its own.

Due to circumstances I'd rather not explain here, I ended up staying the night at the airport. Now, for those of you who've never experienced the joy of spending the night at an airport, I applaud you. Those who have had the experience, well, I guess I don't really have to tell you anything either. Let me just say that Munich has a very nice airport. It's very clean, quiet, and they have a cafeteria that's open 24 hours that sells beer all that time. There's plenty of bench space for everyone, so you just have to be careful not to pick one next to a snorer. They even have shower facilities where you can buy a towel and soap for 5 euros, quite a bargain I thought. Sadly, though operational when I found them, they were not when it came time to need one after a fitful night of "sleep." For those of you keeping score at home-- Time since I left my house: 34 hours. Time since I've had a shower: 34 hours. Hey, at least I was smelling more European!

One other note, my jacket was packed in my luggage. In Munich this time of year, the highs were in the high 40s, and as a bonus for me, it was very overcast and raining these first few days. At last, I met up with my friend and organizer of this trip, Pat Reilly, at the hotel. Finding a sympathetic ear alone was a godsend, but having a shower came pretty close as well. We met up with his brother and proceeded to find the best cure for my ailments we knew of: Beer. For those of you keeping score at home-- Time since I left my house: 42 hours. Time it took me to drink that first beer: 42 seconds.

Okay, so the trip didn't start off that great. Sure, I was really wishing I was a pirate right about now. But then again, I feel it's always better to start a vacation badly than to end it badly. Besides, now I had the opportunity to buy chic new foreign clothes on Air France's dime! Actually, my luggage arrived in a day or two, and all was fine.

Wow, that's a lot of space to kill on just my arrival. Good thing I'm not going to spend too much time on this.

Now for the good parts. Well, they were all good parts, really. The best way to describe it would just be a general description. However, before I go into this next part, I have to make an aside for a moment. My Dad made me promise that I wouldn't drink too much at Oktoberfest. But when it comes down to it, what exactly is too much, anyway? Well, let's just say I have a much better idea now than I did before. So, Dad, I suggest you skip the next paragraph or two, just to be safe.

Okay, now, it's Oktoberfest. We drank. A lot. And then drank. A lot more. We spent a lot of time in beer tents, which I could write volumes on alone (What, me? No way!). Some quick observations: German beers are bigger than American beers; Who would have thought that to fit in with a German beer tent's singing crowd I would have to know the words to John Denver's "West Virginia?"; German beers are stronger than American beers; Bavarian women look really good in their traditional dress (derndrl, I think it's called); Why would anyone have so many carnival rides among so many beer tents? (and, why would I go on so many of them?); Germans like to drink and have fun. I don't know how to describe it other than to say it's like a really good party that goes on all day long, every day, for about three weeks. What surprised me the most was the conduct of the people. Sure, there were plenty of very drunk people, but they were 99 percent well-behaved, fun, jovial, and non-vomiting. It seemed to me a very (welcome) far-cry from what I've seen of similar American festivals like Mardi Gras.

The highlight I guess would have to be all the people I met. Aside from the wonderful Germans at every table we went to, Pat put together a great bunch of interesting guys to spend time drinking with. At one point, we had people in our group from Dallas, Los Angeles, New York City, London, Brussels, Wisconsin, Vienna, Istanbul, and of course, Idaho. It really was a great trip, and totally recharged my batteries.

And now back to L.A.

10/6 - Safely back at home, I was invited to a screening of Signs with a Q&A session with writer/director/producer M. Night Shyamalan afterwards. It was very cool. He was an extremely nice, frank, and honest person. Although I wasn't a big fan of his latest effort, it definitely had some great elements, and it made it even more interesting to hear him talk about what he was trying to achieve with it, where he think he succeeded, and where he thought he failed. It was definitely very entertaining and informative, and most important of all, invigorating. To hear him talk about his "craft" and the things he goes through, and the number of drafts he writes, it reminded me that what I'm trying to do out here is difficult, and I shouldn't be as hard on myself as I have been lately. Like I said, I've had a lot of time to think lately, and not all of it has been exactly productive.

The trip gave me a needed break, and a lot of time on my own cramped in airplanes and airports to think. So to answer the questions from above: What am I doing? I'm changing my life. What the hell am I doing here? Trying to become a screenwriter. Why the long Updates? There's an old adage that says "writers write." Writing in any form is good. It exercises brain-muscles, helps to organize my thoughts, and it's fun. They shouldn't be about anything other than what I want them to be. What are the adventures about? All adventures are stories, and stories are what it's all about. Who wants to read it? My friends, since sadly this is the only way I can stay in touch with most of them, much as I wish it were otherwise. What am I doing with my life? The best I can.

Holy cow, did I actually write that? Does that sound too sappy or what? Don't worry, I'd never put a line like that in a screenplay, it'd sound too phony. I wasn't even aware that I needed a spiritual rejuvenation, but I got one. Anyway, thanks for listening to all my ramblings these past six months, it's been very necessary for me on this end, and I can only hope that I've made it worth your time on your end. Thanks for all the support.

Greg< style="font-weight: bold;">Movie Quote Challenge:
Number One: "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Number Two: "I honestly think you ought to calm down, take a stress pill, and think things over."

Movie Quote Answers:
David Lemley proudly steps into the winner's circle by correctly identifying the quotes. Congratulations!

Number 1: Animal House, by Harold Ramis & Douglas Kenney

Number 2: 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke & Stanley Kubrick

Better luck next time!

Silence of the Hams

Hey-diddly ho, neighborinos!

Guess what? I got nothing. Nothing happened. No celebrity sightings, no weird adventures, no pirate auditions, nada. Zip, zilch, zero. So how am I going to distract you from your busy, hectic work day? How am I going to take up an hour of your time reading my crap? I don't know. Could this actually be the long-awaited *short* update? Probably. On a side note, I promise I won't put the answers to the movie quote trivia somewhere in the update. I just thought it would be funny to do it once.

9/9 - The day I sent out the last update there was actually something fairly exciting. As you may know, L.A. is plagued by wildfires the way that Houston is plagued by flooding, and I finally got to experience one first-hand. The mountain behind my apartment caught on fire. Well, maybe it's not a mountain, could be a hill. I don't know. Growing up in Houston, a hill was a 20 foot rise in the ground. But around here, mountains are the ones with snow on top, and hills are all the rest. Anyway, it was on fire. I couldn't quite see the flames from where I live, but there was plenty of smoke (though the smoke was kinda hard to see through the smog). A five-minute trip in my car, though, and I got around to the other side of it. It's pretty amazing to see the whole side of a mountain/hill on fire. They put it out fairly quickly, and it was an empty part of the mountain. No one was hurt and no houses were damaged, so I feel comfortable saying it was pretty cool.

Two uneventful weeks pass--

9/22 - I finally made it out to the beach. I've been out there before, actually, but this time I was able to do beach-like stuff like lay out and get burned and stare at bikini-clad women. Usually it's about 15 to 20 degrees colder at the beach than at my apartment, so I had been waiting until it got really hot before I went. It was very nice, far different from the beaches at Galveston for sure. Did you know that ocean water is actually clear? It's also *extremely* cold. Talk about shrinkage. I didn't rent a surfboard this time, so I don't even have any good wipe out stories. I walked along Venice beach and saw all the street vendors with the same crap you see everywhere. I saw a bunch of guys doing something called Batuque, which is a Brazilian dance/fighting thing. A bunch of people gather in a circle around two guys in the center. While everyone is singing and chanting, the two in the middle go at each other with judo-like moves, making sure not to hit each other. The moves are random, but each guy knows the move and its response so it's like sparring. I'm not doing it justice through my lame description, but it was very cool.

See? That's all I got. Extremely lame. So how else can I eat up space?

Let's talk about where I live. L.A. is huge. With 15 million people, it's the second (or third, I forget) largest city in the US. What's even more amazing is there's always talk about the Burbank area seceding from the city because they don't like paying for the rest of the city's problems. If they did successfully become they're own city, the way they're mapping it out now the new city would be the eighth largest, and knock L.A. proper down to only fifth. L.A. is huge. There's a section of L.A. called "Little Armenia" where a lot of Armenians have come to settle. Why do I mention this? Because Little Armenia actually has more Armenians in it than the real Armenia. L.A. is huge.

The specific place where I live is in Glendale, just 5 minutes from Burbank. It's a nice place I guess, if you like retirement communities. We're definitely not in the "hip" section of L.A. Fortunately, our friends are forgiving and will hang out with us anyway.

Okay, that's it. Very short this time. Why even bother? I don't know, it's my duty I guess. However, next time I promise it'll be back to an amazingly large and hopefully entertaining update because in two days I'm going to Germany for Oktoberfest! Woo hoo! Wish me luck, and root for the Rams tonight.

Greg

Movie Quote Challenge:

Number 1: "You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"

Number 2: "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."

Good luck!

Movie Quote Answers:

Congratulations to Mary Felder for correctly identifying this update's quotes:

Number 1: The Jerk, by Steve Martin and Carl Gottlieb

Number 2: Die Hard, by Jeb Stuart

Thanks for playing, see you next time!

Greg

Sorry to bug you guys with a frivolous additional update, but I just have to vent my frustration.

I just got a call from the casting director for Pirates of the Caribbean, and they wanted to hire me! Yay, right? No. I have to start tomorrow, continuing through December. But because I'm going to Germany, I can't start until October 6th. This means I don't get the job.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

I could've been a pirate!!!!!!!!! They can't hold the job for me until I get back because they're sending everybody to "pirate boot camp" (that's what she called it, I swear). I could've gone to pirate school!!!!!!!!!!!

This is going to put huge demands on my vacation to Germany to really really be a good time.

Greg

Okay folks, last time to bother you for a while, I promise.

Thanks to encouragement from many of you, I decided to cancel the trip to Germany in favor of being a pirate. However, the specific part they wanted me for, Marine, was changed. The director changed his mind just this afternoon and decided he now wanted short-haired marines. Therefore, I am no longer needed (as yet). So, it looks as though the trip to Germany is back on. I also learned an old Hollywood adage today that I have certainly experienced enough to vouch for: If you want to get the part, make flight plans.

Thanks sincerely to all of you for sending me your "two cents worth." Because of you, I now have enough money to buy another beer at Oktoberfest!

Greg