The Count of Monte Cristo

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

My review

Rating: 3 of 5 stars
The first 100 pages and the last 100 pages were quite good. Unfortunately, there were 300 pages in between those.

I discovered in the introduction that this novel was written as a serial, with chapters appearing in the newspaper over a period of time. This really shows. Like A Tale of Two Cities, the story starts to drag and lose focus. Too many characters are introduced and the plot seems to wander.

The very end also seemed a little too neat, with an almost tacked on "Hollywood ending," complete with the door open for a sequel.

I'm glad I read it, but overall I wouldn't recommend it. The story itself has been distilled to a much more entertaining yarn in the various movie adaptations.

View all my reviews.

Tales from the Crapped: Out of Time!

Today's crap: An innocent little sand timer.

I've had this item for a very long time, actually. I can remember quite clearly where I got it, though the actual year is fuzzy. It was many years ago, I believe I was in junior high, possibly younger. A neighbor was having a garage sale, and I purchased the "Scrabble Sentence Cube Game."

Yes, even back then I was very much into both garage sales/thrifting and board games. Some things never change, huh?

The game was a strange combination of Scrabble and Yahtzee, except instead of words you tried to create sentences. There were about 15 wooden dice that had various words on them. After rolling the dice, you would flip the timer (see it there in the picture?) and you had that much time to construct a sentence. The game was rather poor, actually, but I enjoyed playing with it nonetheless. I remember being very frustrated by the timer, but the whole game only cost me a quarter.

Years later I was trying to clear out my vast accumulation of stuff and I came across it again. The game itself was pretty worthless (in every way), so I tossed it. But I kept the sand timer. You see, what I didn't quite get when I was 10 was blatantly obvious when I was much older: the timer was broken.

Sand timers have always been fascinating to me. What an ancient form of timekeeping! Quite a simple design, too. The classic hourglass, obviously, measured about an hour. These days, most of them only run for one to three minutes. They probably seem quaint to most people, what with digital stopwatches accurate to 1/100th of a second.

But as I said, my sand timer is broken. The narrow opening between the two bulbs is far too large. Although it looks like it should run for about a minute, the sand flies through the glass completely in four seconds. Four seconds! I timed it! No wonder I found the game too hard.

This timer has been a cornerstone on many of my desks at different jobs. Whenever people came in to talk to me about issues, I would calmly and thoughtfully say, "You have this much time to explain your problem to me." Rarely did they get more than a couple of words out. Excellent! If only I could actually enforce that rule!

This calls up an interesting question, though. Is the sand timer actually broken? I mean, it still measures time, just not the amount it's supposed to. If you ever had an activity that required you to do something every four seconds, this would prove invaluable. It would certainly speed up other games I have that use timers. Hmm. Maybe this piece of crap is more useful than I thought?

iTunes Tag

I was tagged by this quite a while ago, but I just didn't feel like making the effort. It's too many questions in my opinion. But I'm bored and don't feel like doing work, so what the heck...

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question below, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "Is this okay?" YOU SAY?
"Idiot Wind" (Bob Dylan)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Fernando" (Abba)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"She Came in through the Bathroom Window" (The Beatles)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"Full Force Gale" (Van Morrison)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Shadows in the Rain" (The Police)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Homeward Bound" (Simon & Garfunkel)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK ABOUT YOU?
"El Dios Nunca Muerte" (from the Men with Guns Soundtrack)
This is a traditional Latin/Mayan piece that I think translates to "God Never Dies."

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Summer of '69" (Bryan Adams)

WHAT IS 2+2?
"Self-Destruct" (What Made Milwaukee Famous)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?"
"Burning Hell " (R.E.M.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Death is not the End" (Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Catapult" (Counting Crows)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Camelot" (Monty Python Instant Record Collection)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Knock Me Down" (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Venus as a Boy" (Bjork)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Sky Blue" (Peter Gabriel)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?"
"Thirty One Today" (Aimee Mann)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"The Only Living Boy in New York" (Simon & Garfunkel)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"The Fly" (U2)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"My Sweet Lord" (George Harrison)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Love is Here to Stay" (Harry Connick, Jr.)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Bangalore" (The Blazers)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"Got My Mojo Workin'" (Asylum Street Spankers)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Blackbird" (Sarah McLachlan (cover of the Beatles))

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Lonely Little Bluebird" (Janet Klein and Her Parlor Boys)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Originality" (Thievery Corporation)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Natural Anthem" (The Postal Service)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Kiko and the Lavender Moon" (Los Lobos)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"I've Been Everywhere" (Johnny Cash)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Beat on the Brat" (The Ramones)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Nashville Skyline Rag" (Bob Dylan)

IF YOU READ TO THE BOTTOM AND YOU USE ITUNES CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED!

Well, now that I've done it, I can see the fun in it. Obviously, some of them are nonsensical, but others seem eerily appropriate. Thanks for killing some time with me.

Snow vs. No Snow

Yesterday, it snowed. In Houston. In December. Is this another sign of the coming global apocalypse? I hope so. Of course, it's supposed to be in the 70's this weekend again. That's more like usual.

Even though I've lived in Houston the majority of my life, it still amazes me how freaked-out-excited everyone gets at the prospect of an eighth of an inch of snow. I guess it is pretty cool to get snow in this climate, but we must seem laughably quaint to people in the northern parts of the country.

But, like everyone else, I felt compelled to stand outside and watch it fall. I tried to get a few photos, but I don't think any of them turned out. Flower, our dog, completely freaked out. She's just now a year old, so this is her first real experience with cold weather, let alone snow. She was bouncing four feet in the air, doing somersaults, and darting in six directions at once at the speed of light. It was amusing to watch, but extremely frustrating to photograph.

In other news, I received the big TV yesterday. Woo hoo! Sadly, the reception is very weak with my current antenna. The interesting thing about digital broadcasts is that there's no snow. You can't get a weak, fuzzy digital signal; it's all or nothing. So even though the TV detected 40 channels, most of them only blink on for a fraction of a second. I'm hoping a new antenna I'm getting from a friend will rectify the situation.

Of course, I had to watch a movie on the new TV. Any guesses as to what it was? Believe it or not, I actually had trouble deciding which should be the first, but I guess it was inevitable that it would be Raiders. The really weird thing was, it was almost too clear. At first I had it set too bright, but even with the right settings it was just so crystal clear that it looked, well, fake.

One of the things filmmakers don't like about shooting on video, or even modern digital, was that the brightness and clarity just looked wrong. It's hard to describe, really, because film can look just as sharp, but there's clearly a difference. Anyway, with the new TV, a lot of Raiders started to look as though it had been shot on video. That was weird! The sets were too well lit and looked just like sets. Too much detail actually made it worse. There's something to be said for rough edges, items out of focus, and general murkiness in a movie.

I still have a long list of movies that I can't wait to watch on the big (home) screen. My TV isn't even that big, actually, but it's in such a small room it seems HUGE. It's great fun. I think the next one I'll watch will be either 2001 or one of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I'm really looking forward to seeing Wall-E, but I think I have to wait for Santa to bring it to me.

Beer-Brained!

Saturday night I was able to join the monthly poker tournament again after being away since my third place finish in September. Of course I was feeling nervous as I always do, but I was also feeling confident due to my win at BGG.Con.

I won't bore you with the entire play-by-play, but suffice it to say that I was doing very well. I made it to the final table (last 9 guys out of 26 players) and I was the big stack. The tournament paid out to the top six finishers, so all I had to do was outlast three guys to make my money back. I was golden. But then, the beer caught up with me.

I had been drinking Saint Arnold Christmas Ale most of the night. This is a rather potent brew. Plus, I hadn't had dinner. After the third one, I realized I needed to cut back. I just kept refilling the empty bottle with water, so my competitors would think I was still getting sauced. The problem was, I ended up drinking a few more in addition to the water, so any benefit was completely destroyed.

So, I'm feeling pretty good. A hand is dealt and I have pocket 9s. Not great, but definitely playable. I raise the stakes fairly high, and that knocks out all but one player. The flop comes and it's AA7. The other guy bets $12,000, which was huge and nearly put me all in. And here's where the beer killed me. I knew he had a pocket Ace. I just knew it. Every part of my brain was telling me to just drop. But my gut, oh my painful and doomed gut, was telling me to call. I did, he had it, I lost. But here's the thing. My gut wasn't arguing with the logic that he had the Ace. My gut was screaming to me that another 9 was going to come out. I don't know why, but I believed completely and without doubt that one of the next two cards would be a 9, and that I would win with a boat.

But that didn't happen.

The next hand I went all in with what I had (which was still a lot, compared to others) and lost to the same guy. But that hand didn't bother me. I made a legitimate decision with that hand, it just didn't work (I had KQ suited, he had AJ unsuited, won with high card).

I finished eighth, out of the money. What an idiot!

But, I did learn a valuable lesson, the kind which is blatantly obvious to even the most novice poker player: don't play drunk! Next time, I'm only bringing one (well, maybe two) bottles of beer. After that, it's just water.

Tales from the Crapped: The Creature

Inspired by one of my own recent posts, I'm going to try to blog every Wednesday about one of the countless pieces of sentimental junk I have around the house.
Today, it's a Creature from the Black Lagoon toy.

I love this guy! Where do I start? He's a promotional toy from a fast food chain's kid's meal-- Burger King, I think. His arms and legs are pose-able; he's got awesome translucent green plastic skin; and he spits! There's a tiny little hole in his mouth. Hold his head under water, squeeze his tummy to push out air, let go to suck in water, then pull him out and you have a secret water gun! What could be cooler than that!?

This particular item was given to me by my good friend Flynn. He and I share a love for the old Universal monsters (and their movies): Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, The Wolfman, The Mummy, and of course The Creature. It's hard to pick a favorite among those guys, but if pressed I'm willing to bet we'd both pick The Creature.

The Creature (or Gill Man, but I hate that name) is rather unique among the other big monsters. His story originated with the movie, rather than from literature or folklore. His movie was also in 3D, just another gimmick that bounces around Hollywood every 20 years or so. He was played by an unknown who was hired for his swimming ability rather than his acting skills. There is a lot of trivia about this movie that makes for fascinating reading.

He was also the star of one of my favorite pinball machines, named the same as the movie. This gives me an excuse to post this great picture of it that I found online. Using a small lens (I assume) on the playfield makes this picture look like it was taken in a giant hallway.


I was playing this machine at the Pinball Hall of Fame in Las Vegas when my time ran out. I had to leave behind the three free credits I'd won! Someday I'll own this one. Someday!

So there you have it. Do I have any need for him? No, of course not. But I can't bear to part with him! Were it only this one indulgence, I might not feel so bad. But as you will see in coming weeks, I have tons of these little doodads. I can't really think of anything more to add, so I guess that's it for the inaugural edition of Tales from the Crapped!

Greg's Blog: It's Readable!

What's with Bud Light's new advertising slogan? "The difference is drinkability."

Seriously?

The best thing you can say about your beer is that it is drinkable? So is my urine. Heaven forbid you set the bar too high or anything. What isn't drinkable? Sand?

"Hey Carl, what do you think of this beer?"
"It's drinkable."

I suppose the argument could be made that it is a relative market. In that sense, Bud Light is saying that they are more drinkable than their competitors, say Miller Lite. On that scale, I suppose their claim may have merit. It's like the politicians who run on the platform "I'm better than the other guy."

It is here that I feel compelled to put in a plug for my local brewery, Saint Arnold, who's owner Brock Wagner is fond of saying, "We make beer with flavor."

Flavor Tripping to Nowhere

This post is almost two weeks late, and quite frankly I've lost the inspiration. However, I need to at least mention this mini-adventure.

On Sunday, November 23rd, I had the opportunity to try the famed "Miracle Berry" (Synsepalum dulcificum) that is supposed to change the way foods taste. It's all the rage among the trendies in New York and L.A., (tasting parties) so of course I had to see what it was all about.

The idea is that you take this berry, chew it up a bit, let the juices swirl around in your mouth for a bit, and then for the next 30 to 45 minutes you get to experience wacky, mixed up, crazy flavors! Lemons taste sweet! Jalapenos taste mild! Snozzberries taste like snozzberries!

I must admit, I was worried that my super powers as a supertaster might make me immune to the effects of the berry. Sure enough-- nothing. We followed the directions to a tee (I even timed us to make sure no one spit out the berry too soon), but the effect was minimal. I ate a lemon and it tasted somewhat sweet, but that minimal effect only lasted for about five minutes. My wife and friend had a similar experience. I think of us all, my wife had the longest effect. We tried to chow down on as many things as possible to try to taste something different, but for me it was a complete waste of time.

Later on, we bought some concentrated pills that were supposed to have 10 times the potency. We let them dissolve on our tongues per the instructions, then went tasting again. Nope, nothing. Not for me, anyway. My friends faired a little better, but not by much.

Are we not good enough foodies? Are our palates not sophisticated enough to detect the subtle nuances of the miracle berry? Although possible, I think it is far more likely that the "effects" of the berry are enhanced by belief. I'm not saying that it's all psychological, but I think there is definitely some peer pressure to feel something. Especially after shelling out the price of the tasting ticket, one could be intimidated from saying the emperor has no clothes. Not me, though. That dude is naked.

On a positive note, the seeds of these berries are used to make the tastebud changing pills. The pills are given to patients going through chemotherapy or radiation treatment, both of which often cause everything to have a strong metallic taste. Supposedly, these pills combat that side-effect. Proceeds from this "tasting" went to a charity that distributes these pills, and we were able to donate the pits from our berries to them as well.

It was a very disappointing adventure.